A First Look at an Irish Wedding: Should You Do One?

A first look is a planned moment, before the ceremony, where the two of you see each other for the first time in private, usually with the photographer and videographer and nobody else. It's standard in America. In Ireland it's still the minority choice, and the reasons are practical rather than traditional: our ceremonies are later in the day, our couples often get ready in two different places, and our evenings have a fixed dinner bell. Whether a first look is a good idea depends almost entirely on those three things.

What you gain

• Time with your guests. This is the big one. At an Irish wedding the couple portraits usually happen during the drinks reception, which means 25 to 30 minutes away from the people you invited. With a first look, the portraits happen before the ceremony and the drinks reception is yours. Our wedding day timeline shows how tight that window already is.
• Nerves. Seeing each other beforehand takes the edge off the walk down the aisle for a lot of couples. For others it's the opposite, and that's a fair reason to say no.
• A private moment. The aisle moment is shared with everyone. The first look isn't.
• Daylight, in winter. If you're marrying between November and February, a 2pm ceremony means the light has gone by the time you leave the church. A first look at midday is the difference between outdoor portraits and none. Our seasons guide has the sunset times.

What you lose

• The aisle moment. Some couples want the first sight of each other to be at the top of the aisle, with their families watching. If that's you, stop reading; the answer is no, and nothing below outweighs it.
• Morning time. A first look needs you both dressed and ready an hour or more earlier than you otherwise would be. If hair and makeup is already tight, this is where it breaks.
• Midday light. In summer, portraits at 12 noon are in the harshest light of the day. Your photographer and videographer will find shade, but the soft light is in the evening. A first look in June trades better light for more time; in December it's the other way round.

The Irish complications

Three things make this a harder call here than in the American blogs:

You may be getting ready in different places. A first look needs you in the same place before the ceremony. If one of you is at home in Rathfarnham and the other in a hotel in town, that means an extra journey on a morning that doesn't have one to spare.

Church ceremonies. If you're marrying in a church, the first look has to happen somewhere else: the hotel, a park, the venue's grounds. That's another journey and another 30 minutes. If you're marrying at the venue, it's easy: a quiet corner of the garden or the library, twenty minutes before the ceremony.

The dinner bell doesn't move. This is the argument for a first look. Because dinner is at 5 or 5:30 whatever time you marry, a 2pm ceremony leaves a short drinks reception, and portraits eat most of it. A first look gives the reception back.

How it works on the day

A good first look is simple. Your photographer picks the spot and the light. One of you stands with their back to the path. The other walks up, and the reaction is the moment. Give it ten minutes, then straight into the couple portraits while you're both there and looking at each other, which is when the best portraits of the day tend to happen anyway.

On film, it's one of the strongest sequences a wedding gives: two angles, one on each face, and it's often the only time in the day the two of you are talking to each other with nobody else around. Ask your videographer to mic you both for it. Whatever you say to each other, you'll want to hear it again.

Variations, if the full version doesn't suit:

• A first touch. You stand either side of a door or a corner, hold hands, and talk, without seeing each other. Keeps the aisle moment, loses the nerves.
• Private vows. Some couples read personal vows to each other at the first look and keep the ceremony vows traditional. Good if your celebrant or church limits what you can say.
• A first look with a parent. A father seeing his daughter in the dress, or a mother and her son, before the cars leave. Takes five minutes and it's in the film forever.

How to decide

Do a first look if:

• You're marrying at the venue, or you're both getting ready there.
• Your ceremony is 2pm or later and you want a real drinks reception.
• It's a winter wedding and you want daylight in your portraits.
• One or both of you is dreading the aisle.

Skip it if:

• The aisle moment matters to you. That settles it.
• You're in two prep locations and the morning is already tight.
• It's a summer wedding with a 1pm church ceremony and a long reception; you don't need it, and the evening light is better.

Either way, decide early and tell the photographer, the videographer and whoever is doing hair and makeup, because all three plan the morning around it. Our photographer guide covers how photographer and videographer share the portrait time, and the questions to ask every wedding supplier has the timing questions for both.